Let’s Chat

Eschatology: (pronounced: es-kuh-tol-uh-jee) the study of the end of the times

I learned this word in my Biblical Faith class this past semester. While pronunciation of this word did not matter when writing it on a test, spelling did. Since I’m known as one of the world’s worst spellers, it was best for me to remember the spelling by pronouncing it incorrectly. It became known as “Let’s Chat about the end of the times” in my mind which sounded something like, “l-EtS-CHAT-OLOGY” or better still, wa-wawa-wa-wa (insert voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher).

Today is the final chapter, the eulogy, to 2009. While we are not discussing the end times as a whole, it is the end times for 2009 that I wish to discuss. I spent most of my day yesterday reading articles – everyone has a Top 10 for 2009 – while pondering, laughing, and even scratching my head over things said, there was one question that caught my attention.

“What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2009?”

Often when asked a question of sorts I will sit and think and think and think, trying to come up with some deep and wise answer, it simply cannot be the same mundane answer that everyone else is using, I must stand out… I must be unique… I must reflect that I am a writer! No self-centeredness here (insert big head and sarcasm here while background noises fill the room with the sound of air leaking from a balloon).

However, there was no pondering, no thinking, no debating. The answer flowed from my brain and out of my fingertips faster than I could say it… my answer:

“How to receive.” Hey, I can be ‘deep’ on the fly! Who knew?

One of the ethical principles I have always tried to live by is generosity. I know that those of us who feel committed to living by our spiritual values want to reach out and give in any way we can. Most commonly, generosity is understood to be about giving freely, and putting others’ needs before one’s own. While this definition isn’t wrong, I think it’s a bit too simplistic. I have come to realize this past year that generosity is a two-way street. It’s an openness of heart that’s just as much about graciously receiving as it is about giving. While I prided myself in giving, I allowed myself to become blinded. Ironically, focusing too much on the outgoing act of giving can put up a wall between the giver and receiver. In other words, if you are known as the giver when it’s time for you to receive, if we’re being honest, you are prideful.

Proverbs 11:2 (NIV) “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Proverbs 16:18 (NIV) “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 29:23 (NIV) “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.”

{Side note: Proverb: a short, pithy saying; Proverbs is known as the book of Practical Wisdom – Proverbial Wisdom – Practical Living: dealing with issues of life… it’s not referred to this for nothing!}

Generosity is about experiencing our interconnectedness in a way that knows no boundaries or hierarchies. Where there is interconnectedness, abundance flows freely in all directions, including back to myself.

For reasons that I still don’t entirely understand, I’ve always felt uncomfortable accepting spontaneous gifts, especially if it’s money. I was the one giving the money, paying for restaurant bills, buying the spontaneous gifts – it is just what I did, what I knew. In other words, I was pretty self-centered, though this is not what I thought of myself. In my mind, I was merely being generous, it was my way of showing affection, letting you know that I cared and valued you. In other words, I wanted to buy you. Wow, would someone please turn the honesty down a notch!

I also don’t like asking for help. I don’t want someone going out of their way for me and would often tell myself, “I don’t want to impose”. If I can do it myself, isn’t it better if I just take care of it on my own. Perhaps this mindset has been passed down to me, a learned behavior from how I was raised. Perhaps it is a cultural idea. Perhaps it’s something I did to make up for the feeling that I would never succeed on my own, thanks to the loving words given so freely to me by those of importance in my life. Either way, I somehow felt the need to be independent, self-sufficient, strong, and capable of taking care of myself. Of course, it’s good to be all those things. But when do we start to cross the boundary into isolating ourselves from the love and personal connection that others want to give to us?

This past year has taken me out of my comfort zone into the uncomfortable but given the circumstances I’ve had no choice but to surrender to the situation. Once I stopped struggling with this idea, I was amazed and humbled by how willingly people gave of their time, energy, money, support – themselves – to me. This past year I have felt cared for, supported, and loved by many people from all different parts of my life. They didn’t want anything in return from me. The best thing I could do was to accept their gifts wholeheartedly and graciously. By allowing myself to be open and vulnerable – that is the word, vulnerable – I was giving them something in return, my trust.

I admit I am still having a hard time with this idea of giving and receiving so freely and openly as it does make me vulnerable and forces me to trust, something that is not easy for me. It will undoubtedly be a lifetime learning process for me. Thomas Merton, a 20^th century American Catholic writer, understood how challenging this process is when he said, “It takes more courage than we imagine to be perfectly simple with other men”. At least now I am aware and taking steps to unlearn my learned behavior. I know what the ultimate ideal I’m aiming for looks like. A true generous spirit is one that’s willing to give herself over completely to another person. It’s a willingness to share all of herself, especially her weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and flaws. It’s not about giving from a place of power or strength, but sharing our wholeness and humanity and openly accepting whatever comes back.

By the way, I went back to see if the person commented on my comment, since it was so great and wouldn’t you know there was nothing. The nerve of some people when all I wanted to do is provide some good eschatology.  Balloon has officially deflated.

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/12/31

Mitzvot

As my final exam for my LEAP class, I had to present my Professional Development Plan. While it was created with a real desire to obtain, it was also thought that no one would hold me accountable to my strict regimen. I made the mistake of thinking. I had my accountability partners’ review it and then my professor asked that we email her our presentations so that she can follow up with us. What? I actually have to do this, just not say it? The whole ‘putting words into action’. I actually have to be held accountable?

Goals have to be realistic and achievable, not easy yet not unobtainable either. I often fear I’m setting mine one or the other, depending on what it is. Often fear enters in and I reframe the obstacle all while telling myself I will never accomplish it. While I battle this argument in my head, daily trying to keep the crazies in, I realize that He knows the desire of my heart and I am to go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. 

I am a firm believer in setting goals, both short term and long term. Goals represent expectations, hopes, and dreams. And to the extent our goals are achieved, we are successful. Jim Cathcart, a noted professional speaker, once said, “Most people aim at nothing in life and hit it with amazing accuracy.” If we don’t specify exactly what we want, we have no reason to complain about what we get or where we find ourselves.  The key is to set realistic goals. By setting and achieving worthwhile goals, you can give your life greater meaning and purpose. You will also find your work and your personal life more exciting and fulfilling. Goals are indispensible. They provide direction, long-term vision and short-term motivation. They separate the important from the irrelevant.

Goal setting is nothing more than personal growth. I recently read in Richard Foster’s, Life With God, that we plant and water but God grants the growth. Hence, going after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Personal growth is the capacity to develop and improve ones skills and distinguishes one from a leader or a follower. Looking at goal setting as a personal growth opportunity has the power to change things, often our own being. 

Ecclesiastes 10:10 tells us, “If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.” In other words, when fear sets in and the angels are battling it out on your shoulders and in your ears, keep pressing on. When I was a teenager, there was a saying that we would often tell one another, “keep on, keeping on”; the same is true in all venues of life. My friend has a quote on the bottom of all her emails that reads this: “A person unwilling to fail in the determination to find some way to get the job done will never get started, nor will the one afraid try and try again make much progress.” ~ Robert E. Coleman 

My pastor has challenged us in the year 2010 to make for ourselves a Mitzvot: a task one voluntarily undertakes in order to experience a spiritual change. ~ Pastor Dan Scott. I wanted to know a bit more about this Mitzvot so I did a little research. Mitzvot is the Hebrew word for commandments. In the Judaism view, there are 613 commandments in the Torah, some positive and some negative. While these are not all spelled out for us in a list as the 10 Commandments, they are, for the most part, listed throughout scripture mostly in Leviticus, Exodus, and Deuteronomy. I’m not going to take the time to go into all the details however; there is one thing that stuck with me. One of the beliefs is that “one should let himself be killed rather than violate it”. In a sense, Pastor Dan has commissioned us to set a commandment in place; a vow one that we are determined to adhere too. It is the essence of choosing life or death, if we believe it in the very core of our soul. (note: these are my own words not Pastor Dan’s please don’t email him stating that I am quoting him as saying that he said our Mitzvot’s are life or death.)

As 2010 is around the corner, I am sharing my Professional Development Plan, my Mitzvot with you.

In 2010, with God’s help, I commit myself to read The One Year Bible and the following:

Penny’s Professional Development Plan – Life Purpose and Calling Class, December 2009

Spiritual Goal: Meet regularly with accountability group                  

Resources: Cultivating a Life for God by Neil Cole (describes accountability groups) and Small Groups Minister at Christ Church           

Sacrifices: stricter time management; possibly time with children; privacy    

Beginning Dates: January 4, 2010 – set up regular time to meet weekly; January 11, 2010 – schedule first meeting             

Success measured by consistency and productivity of meetings.    

Celebration of Achievement: delicious Starbucks coffee each time we meet 

Physical Goal: walk 4-5 times a week for health and stress relief

Resources: partner, Isabella Shire; good walking shoes and exercise clothes; maybe a pedometer   

Sacrifices: less sleep (yawn)        

Beginning Dates: January 4, 2010 – walk 2 times a week; February 1, 2010 – walk 3 times a week; March 1, 2010 – walk 4 times a week; April 1, 2010 – walk 5 times a week   

Success measured by consistency.            

Celebration of Achievement: Purchase fun new shoes when old ones wear out. (there is nothing stating that these new shoes cannot contain some sort of heel) 

Professional Goal: Complete Book, including editing  

Resources: Hiding From Love; The Mom Factor; my editor     

Sacrifices: serious time-management and self-discipline; emotional challenges of getting it all out

Beginning Dates: first draft completed – March 31, 2010; first edit completed – May 30, 2010; second edit completed and submitted to secondary editor – July 31, 2010        

Success measured by meeting deadlines.          

Celebration of Achievement: Purchase first home when book deal makes me millions! 

Emotional Goal: Deal with emotional responses in a healthy way          

Resources: Counselor; Accountability Partners; Support Groups; Books on various subjects   

Sacrifices: stepping out of comfort zone in order to make appropriate changes required          

Beginning Dates: already started             

Success measured by increased sense of peace and coffee not being spilt when ex-husband’s boyfriend shows up at church and shakes my hand.               

Celebration of Achievement: The next time something crazy happens, via ex, and I respond in the way I had planned out in advance and feel really, really good about it, I’m going out for a night on the town with friends dressed in the coolest outfit I own. (perhaps I’ll sing karaoke, “I’m Every Woman” or “Can’t Touch This”)

By the way, my professor has planned my book signing to take place in the fall semester of 2010 at the Abba Java Café in the Center for Leadership, Calling, and Service. (I will succeed lest I die!)

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/12/29

Go’el

John 1:1, 2, & 14 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.”

A couple of months ago I posted the question on Facebook, “Is the God of the Old Testament the same God of the New Testament?” While the majority said He was, there were those few that felt otherwise. I’d like to say I was shocked by the response of those that thought otherwise however, my shock factor had already been reached while sitting in Bib Faith class.

My professor stood at the front of the class and posed this very question. I sat there and listened to students’ state that He was not the same God and my mouth became a bug catcher, open wide with chin resting on floor. My professor then said these words, “How could He be the same God? The God of the Old Testament is all about vengeance and destruction – an eye for an eye – while the God of the New Testament is all about love – turn the other cheek – God must have softened His heart over the years.” My leg began bouncing up and down, as I was clearly annoyed with this concept. Hebrews 13:8 clearly states, “He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”  What kind of professors do they have teaching this Bible class?

What I didn’t realize about my professor until a few weeks later, after I interrogated him on his version of scripture on a totally different topic, was that this is not what he believed it was merely his way of getting us to think about what it is that we believe and why. Thank God! After my interrogation of him, all annoyances vanished and a respect of what he was trying to do was reached. By far, my favorite class of the semester, but I’m getting off topic…

Go’el: next of kin, and hence, redeemer. Owing to the solidarity of the family and the clan in ancient Israel, any duty, which a man could not perform by himself, had to be taken up by his next of kin. Any rights possessed by a man that lapsed through his inability to perform his duties attached to such rights, could be and should be resumed by the next of kin. This applied especially to parcels of land which any Israelite found it necessary to sell. This his go’el, or kinsmen, had to redeem. In the book of Ruth the next of kin was called upon to purchase a parcel of land formerly belonging to Elimelech. It would appear from the same example that another duty of the go’el was to raise offspring for his kinsman if he happened to die without any. This would seem to be an extension of the principle of the Levirate Marriage; hence, the procedure of “halizah” was gone through in the case of Naomi’s go’el, just as if he had been her brother-in-law. Another duty of the go’el was to redeem his kinsman from slavery if sold to a stranger. As the go’el has his duties, so he had his privileges and compensation. The whole conception of the go’el was based on the solidarity of the interests of the tribe and the nation with those of the national God, and accordingly the notion of the go’el became spiritualized as applied to the relations between God and Israel. God was regarded as the go’el of Israel, and as having redeemed them from the bondage of Egypt. God is the redeemer.

Throughout the entire Bible, you will find what is known as “The Cycle of Retribution”. This is where the following happens:

1)    the people sin

2)    God punishes the people

3)    the people cry out

4)    God raises up a judge

5)    the judge dies and the people sin, again

In an exegesis class, How to Interpret the Bible, I took last year, I learned that the Bible came into being as a result of God’s desire to communicate with human beings. God longed for relationships. Eve and also Adam chose to disobey God’s command to them, but in spite of this rebellion against God, He still wanted to communicate with them in the Garden of Eden and called out to them when they were hiding: “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). God is in pursuit of us. He punished them but He did not abandon them.

If God is in pursuit of us, longs for relationship with us, then why is it that He would be so “mean” to mankind? Let’s start from the beginning, hitting a few key stories, shall we…

Genesis 6 tells us the story of the flood. In this story, we’re told that God saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become and that He grieved that He had made man and thus He wiped mankind, whom He had created, from the face of the earth. Wow! How many times can we say, in our life, that we have destroyed something we created because we no longer found it good? I mean just the other day I disposed of my banana pudding because it was no longer good. While this concept is not the same as destroying mankind, it holds some weight… I created it, it was good, it rotted, and thus it had to be destroyed. What, still not a valid point? Okay, okay…

How about the story of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram? Not familiar with this one? In Numbers 16, it tells us the story of how these men rose up against Moses along with 250 Israelites who were well-known community leaders who had been appointed members of the council. They had been given power and set apart to do God’s work at the tabernacle and to minister but they became greedy and arrogant, wanting to take the priesthood too. Moses said to them that they would know that God had sent him if the ground upon which they were standing opens and swallows them, everything that belongs to them, and they go down alive into the grave for contempt. Thus God did. He opened up the earth, swallowed them, along with their households, and closed the ground over them. Holy-moly! Now I have never been able to make the ground open, swallow up someone that has risen against me, and close over them but oh how I’d love to see that happen. Open Sesame, Close Sesame! What, not violent enough for you? Okay, okay…

It cannot get any more violent than killing men, women, and children. In Joshua 6, we learn of the story of Jericho. Jericho had become a city of wicked idolaters, corrupt in morals – as the public harlotry of Rahab showed – and so wicked that they had filled the cup of iniquity and had become ripe for judgment. Thus, God ordered that the city and all that were in it to be destroyed – men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep, and donkeys. I can see where it would be hard pressed to view God as loving in this scene however, did He not spare Rahab’s life and those that belonged to her because she helped hide the spies sent in by Joshua on God’s orders?

How about the story of Samson in the book of Judges? Of all the things Samson could ask God for, he asked Him for wisdom. God gave Samson wisdom and in return asked him to keep His commands. Samson of course felt that the rules did not apply to him and thus God punished him by allowing him to be turned over to the hands of the enemy. Even in the end, Samson was not looking for redemption from God; he was looking for revenge on those that had taken his eyes. He asked God to grant him strength one more time for this revenge and allow him to die with his enemy, of which God granted. God allowed Samson to die?

What about Job? If I were to ask you who tested Job most likely your answer would be Satan. However if you look closely in chapter 2 is states that the angels had come to present themselves before God and Satan also came. God asked him where he had come from and Satan told him roaming the earth, going back and forth in it. God then asks Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job?” Satan tells God that Job only serves Him because he is prosperous but if all were taken from him, he would curse God. And then God says, “Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life.” So Satan afflicted Job with painful sores and took all the he had from him. What? God allowed this to happen to Job? Even in the last chapter, it states that all who had known Job came to his house afterward and comforted him over all the trouble God had brought upon him. You seriously mean to tell me that God allows all my ailments, roadblocks, and my idea of hell on earth?

Yes, I can see why there are those that would say the God of the Old Testament is mean and vengeful and not loving which makes Him not the same God of the New Testament, indeed. However, this is the way I see it…

It is the cycle of retribution. A parent loving their child/ren. God is in pursuit of us. He longs to have a relationship with us. He is a jealous God and One to be feared. However, He is a loving God. He spared Noah and his family. He blessed Noah and made a covenant with him. Noah had not become wicked. He spared the entire community in Numbers 16 at the request of Moses. He spared Rehab and all that belonged to her in spite of her being a prostitute. He granted Samson his last request in spite of it being for his own self-honor and not that of God’s. He blessed Job for not cursing Him, giving him twice as much as he had in the beginning… gave him more in the latter part of his life than the first. God takes care of His children by protecting them and keeping them from the evil one. As with any good parent, He holds us accountable for our actions and we are disciplined accordingly. This God of the Old Testament loved us so much that He sent us His son who changed things for us.

God could not look upon sin without judgment. Therefore, only the priest, even if brought by the common people, were allowed to offer up offerings and sacrifices in the Old Testament. Leviticus tells us of 5 different types of sacrifices offered:

1)    “whole burnt offerings” – to worship God, show devotion to God, and to ask for God’s forgiveness; the entire object is burnt

2)    “grain offerings” – to worship God by giving thanks; to recognize that God is the giver of blessings and provides good things

3)    “peace offerings” or “well-being offerings” – to worship God and ask for God’s blessing; some of the meat is kept and eaten

4)    “sin offerings” – to ask God’s forgiveness; to make amends for specific unintentional sins; to become clean after becoming ritually unclean

5)    “guilt offerings” – to make up for cheating the Lord or unintentionally destroying something that belonged to the Lord; to make up for robbing or cheating another person

The tabernacle was considered the Holy Place however within the tabernacle was an inner room called the Holy of Holies or the Most Holy Place. It was God’s special dwelling place in the midst of His people. A thick curtain separated the Holy of Holies from the Holy Place. This curtain, known as a “veil”, was made of fine linen and blue, purple, and scarlet yarn. The word “veil” in Hebrew means a screen, divider or separator that hides. What was this curtain hiding? Essentially, it was shielding a holy God from sinful man. Only the high priest could enter into the Holy of Holies and only once a year, on the Day of Atonement (Hebrews 9:7). This veil was a barrier between man and God, showing man that the holiness of God could not be trifled with. God’s eyes are too pure to look on evil and He can tolerate no sin (Habakkuk 1:13). This barrier, this veil, was to make sure that man could not carelessly and irreverently enter into God’s awesome presence. Even the high priest had to make some meticulous preparations: He had to wash himself, put on special clothing, bring burning incense to let the smoke cover his eyes from direct view of God, and bring blood with him to make atonement for sins. (I’ve even heard it said that they would tie a rope around them in case they had not prepared accordingly as God would kill them and they would have to be drugged out. Whether that is true or not, I am uncertain.)

However, Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross changed that. When He died, the curtain in the Jerusalem temple was torn in half, from the top to the bottom. As the veil was torn, the Holy of Holies was exposed. God’s presence was now accessible to all. (Hebrews 6:19-20) His death has atoned our sins and made us right before God. When Jesus cried out “It is finished!” on the cross, He was indeed proclaiming that God’s redemptive plan was now complete. The ultimate offering had been sacrificed. That, my friend, is the greatest gift, the gift of love, which God could ever give.

He is the same loving God that protected His children, kept His promises, provided mercy, pursuing relationships in the Old Testament, as He is in the New Testament. He was, He is, and He always will be… the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Revelations 1:8)

There is a song that I remember us often singing in church when I was younger; “oh how He loves you and me / Oh how He loves you and me / He gave His life / What more could He give / Oh how He loves you and me.” How can the God of the Old Testament be any different than the God of the New Testament, He gave us His son so that He can have a personal relationship with us and not through a high priest. He is our Go’el! He has paid our debt; He has become our bridegroom; He has broken the chains and freed me from slavery; He is indeed my redeemer, my Go’el!

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/12/29

One Unfolding Story of Redemption

"... It feels like redemption, raining down on me..."

My Biblical Faith professor gave an assignment to the class, instructing us to write a Reflection Paper, a 1250-1500 word essay, answering the following questions:

1) How does understanding the Bible as “the story of God” shape the way I view my own personal story of faith?

2) How do stories shape us as people?

3) What stories have shaped me personally?

4) What happens when I begin to see the Christian faith as the story of God redeeming the world He created?

5) What role does that mean God has for us as individuals, but also as a corporate group of people?

6) Does the “story of God” end with the book of Revelation or does it continue on today?

7) How does my own story fit or not fit into “God’s story”?

While I’m sure I did not answer all of his questions, I did take a deep look within myself. I’d like to challenge you to search deep within yourselves for the answer to these questions… can you tell someone what it is exactly that you believe and why you’re so rooted in your faith? No matter our stories, I pray that we all come to know that we are forgiven. Our dept was paid and we are now dead to sin. We are free from bondage, the chains are broken, and we are redeemed.

Here is what I wrote:

In the beginning of the semester you stated that the Bible was nothing more than one unfolding story of redemption. While I had never referred to the Bible as just a story, nor had I heard that particular statement, it is the story of redemption that is most valuable to me in my life. God has countlessly given me grace and mercy through my life. He has redeemed me in every aspect there is known. I understand that your denomination believes that there is room for errors in the scriptures and I understand why this is, however for me this is just not so. He is truth and His words are truth, even if only in my life. If I do not believe this then I certainly cannot live it and reflect Him to others. The Bible is God’s word and therefore a powerful presence in my life. It is not something that I use to control or manipulate my life, it is however where I go and ask, “How can You use me?” I recognize that the Bible cannot be considered in isolation from my life and faith and the surroundings of which I am a part. It is the very thing that reminds me that I am a sinner saved by grace just as Rehab, David, Elijah, Timothy, and so many, many, countless others. So many similarities throughout these stories are my own personal stories just with different characters. Having these stories of scriptural truth induces an interaction between my own experiences, the encounters with what it is I am reading and the reality of seeing God through all of it. These stories give birth to hope within me and assure me that what I have walked in this life is not in vain; my life is not an accident, it has been predestined.

As God heard the cries of the Hebrew people suffering under oppression in Egypt, He also hears my own cries and sees my tears. These stories help shape me and mold me. They help me know that in spite of walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I will survive, as He will never leave me nor forsake me. Without these stories to aide in my own personal experience, I would not mature and grow. I would not know what faith is, what hope is, nor would I know what love is. These stories challenge me to reflect upon my own commitment and to do all things as if I were doing them for Him. (Which is a chore in and of itself at times, hence the word challenge.) Because of this, the Word of God comes into my own situations various ways. I know that it is not simply another source of knowledge about me or the world, but it is a dynamic, which demands a response. If I do not respond, I will never mature. If I do not respond, I will never transform. If I do not respond, I will never come to comprehend the fullness of His redemption, His grace, His mercy, His love – I will never come to know him.

Life has provided many blessings and curses; defeats and victories. I have walked through sexual abuse; domestic abuse (consisting of both physical and verbal abuse); rape; promiscuous living; attempts at suicide; depression; and the list could go on. But it was stories like Elijah escaping to the desert to die; David having an affair; Jonah running from obedience; Rehab; Esther; God protecting His children by opening up the ground and swallowing the enemy; Job; Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection; Paul and Silas; Daniel; and countless others that offer me hope and assurance. These stories resonate within me, giving me an example to live by in the same situations while also challenging me to see God for who He is.

When I see God as actively present, not only as the creator but also the sustainer of this life (my life); as the God who meets people where they are, it is at the moment I can be actively transformed. It is at that defining moment that I realize that He is, He was, and He always will be in pursuit of me. In coming to this knowledge I cannot help but be transformed by His redeeming grace, mercy, and love, allowing it to change me. If I can believe that God spoke to such a people in the past – that He entered into actual history and made Himself known to particular people at special times and places – then I too am subject to historical exigencies and cultural patterns which means I can believe that He can come into my life today and transform me by His presence. It is precisely in the struggle of my own circumstances that God’s patience and mercy toward me can stand as an example, as reflected in Hebrews 11. In finding truth in faith, I find that He snatches me from myself, I no longer depend on my own strength, conscience, and experience; instead, I realize that God’s story is the absolute, unchanging, and transforming element in scripture. It stirs within me to want to search for Him, be like Him, and have a relationship with Him. This relationship will result in transformation as we see Him longing to redeem us.  His words, stories, are not intended to merely teach me but to reform me. This is where we see God taking hold of us and removing us from ourselves.

Now having this knowledge, this awareness of who He is and His power and authority in our lives, it is our responsibility to go into the world and reflect the same mercy, grace, love – redeeming story – for all to see. It is not enough for us to simply read the word we must speak the word; we must inevitably walk the word. Before we can do this, we must acquire the same vision as Jeremiah by allowing God’s laws to be written on our heats so that it not only permeates our thinking but also becomes our very life and breath. We must always be growing, maturing, developing. As a result of such, we will seek to engage ourselves in what it is that God has for us which, in turn, equips others to not only receive God’s redemption but also to share His redemption story.

Jesus came, died, and lives so that we, the people of today, may receive and know God’s redemption. Revelations is merely a story of what is to come; His final judgment – His final victory. From generation to generation to generation, we are free to receive, to know, to walk in God’s story of redemption. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God’s story of redemption is still very much a part of us today. He is continuously interceding for us, working all things for our good. The story is not over, it has only just begun.

My story is God’s story. As stated previously, His word is not to merely inform me, it is also to interpret my own world and me. The experience of past Christians, referenced in the word, and the confessions of their faith is my own experience and confession. I cannot appropriate the truth of His story of redemption if this relationship is not already being experienced by making His story my own.  I often hear that the Bible is a blueprint for our lives however, recently I heard a man state the following: “The Bible should function much more like a musical score than a blueprint for our lives. Score gives guidance but it must always be played afresh.” God’s story of redemption never changes however; I get to make His story my own story, every day, in my own way – by “playing it fresh”.

“I know how hopeless feels when you’re starring at the bottom of an empty hole. In my life I know how forgotten feels, wondering if the world even knows who you are. But I’ve never known anything, felt anything, like the love of Jesus. And it’s hard to describe what’s happening inside, but right now all I know is… It feels like redemption, raining down on me. It feels like forgiveness is come to set me free. All my chains have been lifted, ’cause when the hands of love touch a broken life, it feels like redemption. Now I know how thankful feels ’cause I am overwhelmed with this gift of grace. And I know how healing feels, ’cause all my pain and all my shame and all my tears have been erased. Say goodbye, the past is ending. Say hello, to a new beginning. No more night, the sun is shining. I cried out to the Lord, He heard my cry, He healed my heart, and He touched my life. It feels like redemption.”

Artist: Michael English; Songwriters: Sam Mizell; Matthew West

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/11/30

 

 

 

Doctors Orders

Several months ago I had to see a specialist (note – a specialist) because Aunt Flo had become a real pain in the-you-know-what.  The specialist informed me that before any type of diagnosis could be made, I needed to have all the normal tests performed – blood work, ultrasound, etc.  The results came in and the specialist decided to give me a strong dose of antibiotics.  She told me to return in three months in hopes that the antibiotics would take care of the issue.  Before the appointment was over, I was asked a series of questions:  1) do you have a “partner”? – No, I’m still waiting for a real man to be found; 2) Are you sexually active? – hmm, no partner, not active…  (I’m practically a nun!) and so the questions came, all on this subject of sex or the lack of.  

Since that appointment, Aunt Flo has stopped being so annoying; however Mr. and Mrs. Hormone have decided to move in and throw a party and their friends keep walking in and out, slamming the screen door.   So I went to my three month follow up and the outcome of that appointment was so weird that I told my friends, who insisted it was too colorful a story to keep to myself.  They begged me to write a blog…  So where do I even begin? 

At my follow up appointment, the specialist mentioned that my blood pressure was a little high, but nothing to worry about.  Why even mention it?  She was also concerned that I had lost thirteen pounds since my initial visit.  We discussed my issues with Aunt Flo and I was glad to report that things were better.  She couldn’t understand why Aunt Flo had just stopped being so annoying, so she asked me if I’d stopped being sexually active. Um, hello lady, remember me, the nun?  

She continued with how odd it was, so I reminded her of the antibiotic treatment she gave me.  I thought that was documented in my chart, however apparently thinking for myself was my first mistake.  Is this lady on drugs?  I proceeded to inform her that I do have another concern now – my new roommates, Mr. and Mrs. Hormone, as they seem to have bought a ton of baggage with them, such as fatigue and lack of energy.  I asked her if it was normal considering all that is on my plate presently.

At that point, she informed me that I’m depressed.  I was quick to let her know I am not depressed, and having suffered through years of depression I’d know if I were depressed.  I’m not depressed!  She then decided that I’m in denial, which caused my hairs to stand on end.  I am NOT in denial about not being depressed!

If she would have listened to all my symptoms before she started talking depression, I could’ve told her that fatigue and lack of energy are not my only problems.  When I finally got the chance to speak again, I told her that I plucked my chin hairs on Saturday and today is only Tuesday and I have full beard again!  That’s when she decided to tell me that I must stop plucking as it triggers the hairs to grow…  (I’ve been plucking since I was a teenager, one or two here and there, but never a beard!) 

Her next advice was that I should invest in some sort of tool that will clip the hairs for me, and that the tool would also be good for landscaping – which my partner would probably enjoy.  You’ve got to be kidding me!  So I AGAIN informed her that I do not – I DO NOT – have a partner!  As if she didn’t hear a word I said, she continued without missing a beat, stating that I should consider some sort of laser treatment.  I’m not here for beauty advice!  What about the hormone issue???  I politely explained that given my financial situation and full-time college student status, laser treatments are not an option.  

We then moved on to my nightly hot flashes and how they’d increased from only happening at night to now occurring occasionally during the day.  She informed me that I’m not having hot flashes; I’m too young to have hot flashes.  She sees far too many women my age that are dealing with this very issue when in fact, if we would just stop stressing and turn our minds off when we went to bed, we wouldn’t have this issue.  However, she then said in the same breath that it could be the medications I’m currently taking.  So is it possible that I’m having hot flashes or not?

I informed her that I’m not taking any medications and she said, “Yes, I’m sure you are.  Let’s go through them.”  Um…  Ibuprofen and Excedrin, which I don’t think count as medications, and that’s all.  She agreed that those are not considered medications (duh), however my vitamins (which are probably causing my increased blood pressure) are.  Huh?  Dumb-founded, I asked her what vitamins she’s talking about.  I don’t take vitamins.  Apparently these vitamins I should be taking that might give me hot flashes are a serious issue. 

She then wanted to talk about my life, my day to day activities for the past three days… literally, when I slept, how long I slept, when I got up, what I did when I got up, what I ate, when I ate, what I drank, when I drank, how many times I went to the bathroom, if I had flatulence, if I could smell the flatulence…  She wrote all THIS information on my chart (that was apparently missing the antibiotic treatment from last time). 

After the inquisition, she told me I need to stay off the sugar because it probably has a lot to do with my fatigue.  (I’d had one bowl of frozen yogurt three days prior.)  Confused AGAIN, I asked her what sugars besides the yogurt and an apple?  She didn’t bother to answer that question and went back to her strong feelings that I’m depressed and in denial.  Apparently she finally acknowledged that I don’t have a sexual partner and proceeded to tell me that if I found myself a partner that would help with my depression!  Do you think God would allow fornication if it was on doctor’s orders?  Oh, and I should also increase my walking from twice a week to five times a week (but don’t lose any more weight.)   

At that point, I decided I’m DONE.  I informed her that I disagree and would like to have blood work taken first before she tried to get me on anti-depressants.  After much convincing, we headed to the lab where they did more tests.  Three tubes of blood later, she informed me that we really need to do all of these again when Aunt Flo comes back, preferably on the third day of her visit.  You’ve got to be kidding me!

Okay, just so we’re clear on what I need to do to achieve maximum health and happiness…

 1)  To prevent annoyances from Aunt Flo, NO MORE SEX.

2)  To avoid fatigue and depression, HAVE SEX.

3)  To lower my blood pressure and prevent night sweats, STOP TAKING VITAMINS.

4)  To achieve maximum health, TAKE VITAMINS.

5)  Watch weight loss, but avoid all sugar and increase exercise by 75%.

6)  Buy tool to trim hair – don’t pluck – and use for landscaping, which will increase ability to find sexual partner.

I think that covers it… hey, doctors orders!!!!

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/10/03

My Top 5 Talents

This past week in my Life Purpose and Calling class, we learned about strengths. Strength itself means the ability to provide consistent near perfect performance in a specific given activity or so it states per our Strength Quest power point presentation.

Strength Quest, if I remember correctly, was created by the Gallup Management Team and is a group or organization that focuses on a person’s strength rather than their weaknesses in order to help them achieve success. The best of the best build their lives upon their greatest talents. They manage their weaknesses and they invent ways to take their talents to a new level.

According to the beliefs of those behind Strength Quest, each of us has a group of talents within us. Our greatest talents hold the key to high achievements, success, and progress to levels of personal experience. Becoming aware of our talents builds confidence and growth.

The class was instructed to go to www.strengthquest.com to take a thirty-minute test in order to discover our strengths. The results reflect our top five strengths. We were then asked to send our results to three of our closest friends to see if they concurred with the results. The reason for outside opinion is due to the fact that there are moments when we live in denial and what we are told we are doesn’t necessarily match up with what we think we are. I am happy to report that I not only agreed with my results but so did my friends. Of which I will share with you in just a moment, but first…

I would like to take a moment to expound on the word talent. According to www.Biblegateway.com there are 37 different references to the word talent in scripture. According to www.dictionary.com the word talent has 9 different meanings; here are a few:

1)      A special natural ability or aptitude

2)      A capacity for achievement or success; ability

3)      A power of mind or body considered as given to a person for use and improvement: so called from the parable in Matt. 25:14-30 (side note: I think it’s totally cool that dictionary.com references the scripture in their definition!)

4)      A various ancient unit of weight or monetary units equal in value

It’s this parable of the talents that I would like to discuss. Jesus gave the example where a man entrusted his slaves with his property and gave them each talents; one man was given five, another man two, and yet another one. The slave given five and two multiplied their talent by the same number given them. The slave given the one hid it and as a result lost not only the one talent but all that he had and was then cast aside. The slaves that multiplied their talents were given more, in abundance. What talent do you hold that your master has entrusted to you? Moreover, what are you doing with the talent entrusted to you?

According to Strength Quest, we all have talents and we all have five top talents. Are you building off your five top talents or are you hiding them? My prayer is that you are multiplying them so that you may be given more and given more in abundance. I pray that I too use my talents to multiply, succeed, and grow, that I too may be given more in abundance. At first glance, my top five don’t look like they would be very great to live a successful life. However, they are my talents nonetheless and it is my responsibility to multiply them so that I am able to be all that He wants, desires, knows, and has for me to be. The talents within each of us will vary in different images, shapes, sizes, packages, forms; sure, we may not be happy with what’s given us at first glance and undoubtedly, we will want a talent that another has. But when we look deep within ourselves and build off what our own talents are, we will find great success. After all, why be a photocopy when you are the original?  

Penny’s Top 5 Strengths per Strength Quest results:

Positivity:

Shared Theme Description:

People who are especially talented in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

About me:

You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you lighthearted. Others just wish that their glass were as full as yours seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. Lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drab with repetition or, worse, heavy with pressure. You seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won’t allow it. Somehow you can’t quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one’s sense of humor.

What makes me stand out?

Because of your strengths, you inspire others by finding out what motivates them. You give individuals lots of recognition. You celebrate each person’s uniqueness. Your acknowledgements and compliments typically energize people. It’s very likely that you may brighten a room by simply entering it. Sometimes your upbeat attitude is contagious. Particular people respond to your friendly, sociable, lively, or animated personality. Possibly finding something to like in just about every person you meet is easy for you. Consequently, certain people might enjoy your companionship. Instinctively, you embrace life with more gusto when you can work or play alongside your teammates, classmates, coworkers, or peers. You normally figure out ways you can participate in a variety of group-oriented activities. Driven by your talents, you usually look forward to social events. Meeting and greeting lots of people delights you. The more you interact with these individuals, the more enthusiastic you are apt to be about life. By nature, you occasionally find yourself bringing people into your circle of acquaintances, friends, or family. Your ability to help individuals feel worthy of your time or attention may permit them to fit into the group.

Futuristic:

Shared Theme Description:

People who are especially talented in the Futuristic theme are inspired by the future and what could be. They inspire others with their visions of the future.

About me:

“Wouldn’t it be great if . . .” You are the kind of person who loves to peer over the horizon. The future fascinates you. As if it were projected on the wall, you see in detail what the future might hold, and this detailed picture keeps pulling you forward, into tomorrow. While the exact content of the picture will depend on your other strengths and interests—a better product, a better team, a better life, or a better world—it will always be inspirational to you. You are a dreamer who sees visions of what could be and who cherishes those visions. When the present proves too frustrating and the people around you too pragmatic, you conjure up your visions of the future and they energize you. They can energize others, too. In fact, very often people look to you to describe your visions of the future. They want a picture that can raise their sights and thereby their spirits. You can paint it for them. Practice. Choose your words carefully. Make the picture as vivid as possible. People will want to latch on to the hope you bring.

What makes me stand out?

Instinctively, you channel your mental and physical energies toward what you can accomplish in the months, years, or decades ahead. The question you must answer is this: “How far into the future can I think before my ideas start becoming vague or uninspiring?” Chances are good that you have an ability to imagine what visionaries believe is possible as you read about their innovative ideas and plans. The information you acquire generally frees you to make a mental leap from this moment in time to the future that these thinkers see. It’s very likely that you regularly pause to envision what you want to accomplish in the coming months, years, or decades. You think in terms of possibilities. This allows you to recover from setbacks, problems, disappointments, or even disasters. People are apt to marvel at your ability to remain upbeat in the face of life’s difficulties and unpredictability. By nature, you create detailed and vivid images of what the future promises. You can describe it long before others can imagine it. Because of your strengths, you have an imagination that allows you to peer into the future and see what is possible. Thinking about the coming years or decades makes you feel a lot more upbeat about yourself, your prospects, and your life.

Belief:

Shared Theme Description:

People who are especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

About me:

You possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. These values vary from one person to another, but ordinarily your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics—both in yourself and others. These core values affect your behavior in many ways. They give your life meaning and satisfaction; in your view, success is more than money and prestige. They provide you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities. This consistency is the foundation for all your relationships. Your friends call you dependable. “I know where you stand,” they say. Your Belief makes you easy to trust. It also demands that you find work that meshes with your values. Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you. And guided by your Belief theme it will matter only if it gives you a chance to live out your values.

What makes me stand out?

By nature, you choose to live your life in a way that benefits individuals and society as a whole. You are highly motivated to make the world a better place than you found it. Your ideals and core values influence how you spend your time and use your talents. You have deep and abiding concern for others. Because of your strengths, you might seek to create a happier and more hospitable environment by reminding people about their accomplishments. Perhaps one of your missions in life is to build up the self-confidence of others. It’s very likely that you periodically think about ways you can provide for the basic needs of your entire family as well as the desires of particular individuals. Perhaps caring for your loved ones is one of your top priorities. Driven by your talents, you might be determined to push for specific kinds of changes that could benefit humankind or Earth itself. To some extent, your desire to have an impact motivates you to enter into conversations with intelligent people. Sometimes drawing on their knowledge and ideas as well as sharing your wisdom is exciting. Perhaps some of these discussions redirect your thinking or cause you to reexamine your purpose in life. Instinctively, you may be impelled to change the world for the better one person at a time. Perhaps you do this by assuring people you think well of them. Sometimes you remind individuals about their depth of knowledge, talent, and/or skill.

Input:

Shared Theme Description:

People who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

About me:

You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

What makes me stand out?

By nature, you combine your fascination for reading with your ability to figure out what sets individuals apart from everyone else. You are likely to discover things that interest someone. Then you read more about those topics. You aim to collect insights that can inspire the person to take advantage of his or her one-of-a-kind talents, knowledge, and/or skills. Because of your strengths, you might expect to be kept in the information loop. Sometimes you want to know everything that is happening. You may desire to be kept abreast of any changes, even those that do not directly affect you. This partially explains why you can become upset or frustrated when someone accidentally or intentionally fails to pass along news about certain projects, deadlines, discoveries, problems, or successes. Driven by your talents, you sometimes move in and out of thought-provoking conversations with grace. You might delve into certain topics and explore the frontiers of particular ideas. Perhaps the animated give-and-take you enjoy occurs when you are in the company of specific individuals. You might be a bit happier if you were to meet people who share your need to talk about theories and concepts rather than be concerned with gossip or practical matters. Instinctively, you occasionally ask questions and intently listen to the answers of certain people. This behavior might surface when you meet a stranger or newcomer. Occasionally you eavesdrop on what they are telling someone else. Not wanting anyone to feel like an outsider, you try to draw individuals into the conversation. This partially explains why you search for a specific reason to involve them in a few of your own or the group’s activities. Chances are good that you periodically engage in conversations that might allow you to showcase some of your knowledge on a wide range of topics or in a  particular area of specialization.

Responsibility:

Shared Theme Description:

People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values as honesty and loyalty.

About me:

Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.

What makes me stand out?

Instinctively, you may be someone on whom others can depend. You might refrain from making promises you are not sure you can keep. Sometimes you feel obliged to honor commitments even if you are inconvenienced. This partially explains why you insist on doing things correctly, accurately, or properly. It’s very likely that you sometimes volunteer to do things rather than wait to be asked to assume more duties. Chances are good that you feel life is best when you are truthful about your talents, skills, education, successes, experiences, or background. You are determined to dispel illusions you have about yourself and others have about you. This is likely to be one of your top priorities. As long as you do not pretend to be someone you are not, you are a happier and healthier human being. By nature, you may wish to have a broader range of control and accountability on the job or in your personal life. Because of your strengths, you are quite comfortable being honest about yourself with others. You harbor very few illusions about who you really are. Furthermore, you can openly acknowledge your mistakes and shortcomings. This is apt to distinguish you from most people.

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/09/28

What’s the Big Deal?

Today in Speech Communication class, I presented my first speech. We of course went over in class how anxiety rises and the levels of anxiety can vary for the individual. I knew I had it ‘in-the-bag’. After all, I’ve spoken at conferences, women’s groups, teach a small group; what’s the big deal?

Our assignment was to present a Personal Narrative Speech, no longer than 3 minutes. In class we learned that a speech should contain an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. The introduction should contain a thesis statement, open with impact, and a preview of the main points. The body should contain 3 points and if desired, each point can contain a sub-point. The conclusion should summarize the thesis statement along with the main points, which can be done via a story, a quote, etc. and should be impactful.

Being that this class was added on to my schedule a week after classes begun, my first class I stayed after to ask the professor what I needed to do to get caught up as well as how I should plan for the upcoming speech. He informed me that the class discussion we just had should bring me current. In addition, he informed me how most of the classes speeches would sound but he was sure that life experience would be more reflected in mine. Nice, already the pressure is on to sound ‘grown-up’ because of my age.

One of the keys to a good speech is to practice. I had worked hard on my speech and was actually quite proud of my result, until it came time to practice. Remember, our speech had to be 3 minutes short, I mean long. I took myself to my kitchen where I found a timer on my microwave. I set it for 3 minutes. When I got to point 2, I found the microwave beeping at me. No problem, it was my first practice; I just need to speak faster. I attempted this 5 more times before I was convinenced that the stupid microwave was broken and not cooperating with my expectations. However, after countless attempts resulting in complete failure, I figured it was time to stop getting mad at the microwave and just edit my speech. Alas, editing was complete and now it was time to teach the microwave how not to beep at me! I practiced my speech and each time ended it with 10 seconds to spare. Yes! 

I arrive to class in my dress slacks, stylish shirt, and little dress pumps. I look around and notice that all the other girls were in jeans and glitter flip-flops. Did I miss the memo of what “dressing for a speech” is to look like or am I just really that old? Please don’t answer that. In order to be fair, the professor placed all our names in a bowl and drew our names in the order we were to present. A few people had presented their speeches and then I heard, ‘Penny’. Oh joy, it was now my turn. I had been fine until that point and suddenly my insides started acting all quirky. It was a ‘nerve quake’ taking place… “I feel the earth move, under my feet…”. I write my name on the board, turn to face my professor… oh, did I mention our speeches were being videotaped… and waited for his nod to begin.

“I’m not living a life of regrets; instead I’m accumulating experiences while enjoying the journey. Hi, I’m Penny and I’m going to share with you how I’m taking risk, facing fears, and seizing opportunities in order to change my life and my legacy. (flip index card – this would be about the time that I noticed my voice was shaking and crackling)

I’m currently taking two risks. The first risk is I’m writing a book. I’ve had a speech impediment since I was 3 and was in speech therapy through 8^th grade. I’ve always wanted to be a world-renowned speaker and a bestselling author however, I stutter, I struggle with pronunciation, and I am probably one of the world’s worst spellers. So you can see where writing a book would be a little risky. My second risk is attending college with you wonderful people. This leads me into facing fears. (flip index card)

I stand before you a single mom of a 13-year-old and a 7-year-old. While I’m trying really hard not to worry if you can see my grey hairs because my Clairol didn’t take last night or if you’re counting the wrinkles on my forehead, I can’t  help thinking about that when I was graduating high school, you were just being potty trained. That fact, in and of itself, makes me want to not run out of here but bolt out of here faster than you could blink your eyes. (flip index card – this would be about the time that I noticed my hands were trembling, I could literally see the index cards moving in my hand.)

However, if I don’t face this fear by taking this risk, I will have missed out on seizing an opportunity. (This is where I began losing track of where I am on my index card because my head was screaming, ‘make your hands stop moving’) An opportunity to better my life, changing my legacy for my children and most importantly, discovering the plan and the purpose He has for me. Thus, I must seize this opportunity. (flip index card – this would be the point where I’m focused so much on stopping my hands from shaking that my left legs begins moving… no, no, not moving, violently shaking. Better visual for you… imagine a dog lying on its back while you rub its belly and as the dog finds pleasure in being massaged it reflects such pleasure by hind leg shaking uncontrollably as if it where scratching for fleas in the air. Get the picture?)

See, my life isn’t about taking a risk to simply take a risk. It isn’t about having a life of adventure, just because. (Seriously, all loss of concentration is out the window and my head is screaming, ‘please stop rubbing my belly so my leg will stop shaking – oh wait, there’s no one rubbing my belly… oh shoot, where was I?) My life is about living intentionally and purposefully, not once but in every moment. (‘Oh crap, don’t cry, don’t cry!’) The only way for me, personally, to live this way is by taking risks, facing fears, and (‘darn leg, enough already – shoot, what am I suppose to say next… uh, uh… oh yeah’) seizing opportunities so that not only will I have accumulated experiences (‘oh my word!!! Will someone please make my leg STOP! Oh man, what was I saying?’) while enjoying my journey, I will have lived a life (oh please ENOUGH ALREADY! Um, last line Penny… what’s the last line? Think! THINK!’) I will have lived a life worth telling stories about. Thank you. (‘Oh dear Lord, get me to the door faster please! Just get me out of here!’)

What’s the big deal? Humans legs do shake like a dog’s hind leg, though not from pleasure but hey, you can always chalk it up to ‘accumulating an experience while (not) enjoying (not) enjoying the journey’!

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/09/15

Nine Eleven

 

College Survival Kit

On such a day, we often pause to remember, reflect, and mourn such a tragic event that occurred in 2001, the day the twin towers stood no more. I remember I heard the news on the radio on my way to my 8^th month OB check-up. It was so unbelievable that I had to pull over at the next place I came to that had a public television, a hotel. As I stood in the lobby watching the events take place, live, I was moved to tears and gasping in shock. This was a day where the first time in history that nationwide air traffic was halted. A day where America experienced a terrorist attack in three different states. A day where a state of emergency was declared in our nation’s capital. A day where we heard our president say, “These acts shattered steel but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve”. A day where 2,976 innocent people lost their lives. Yes, days to remember, reflect upon, and mourn… a tragic day indeed.

It is nice, at times, to be swept away from such painful memories. Today was a sweet reminder to me that people are still kind, are still good, are still caring, and are still loving…

The Coordinator for Non-Traditional Student Support (aka: Penny’s Emancipator) hosted a luncheon. It was a great time of making us feel welcomed and cared for, hence, supported. We had a time of fellowship and getting to know one another along with shoveling our mouths full of fabulous food. Near time for it to end, we were given a gift bag that was labeled ‘College Survival Kit’ and contained the following:

Tissues – for those tears of joy and/or frustration

Play Doh – to remind you to be flexible (or can be used as a plug for smart mouths)

Calendar – to keep your days organized (and help you remember what day it is)

Starbucks Card – for late night study sessions or for early classes

Lip Balm – keeping your lips soft for receiving kisses of encouragement

Power Bar – for a burst of energy (or a family meal during finals week)

Stress Ball – squeeze as needed (or throw randomly)

Hand Sanitizer – you are in college now and germs abound

To Do List – to help you remember all that needs to be done

Sports Schedule – for when you need to play or just need an excuse to yell

Pen & Highlighter – tools recommended on Dr. Gray’s top ten study skills tip list

Chocolate – JUST BECAUSE

Philippians 4 – “I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me.”

Commit to memory and repeat as needed

Today's Nine Eleven is a good day!

 “At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking how would I live without you by my side. And there you are, from outer space. You bring chocolate, coffee and tissues for my face. It took all my strength, not to shout with glee, when you showed up with a power bar just for me. I will not crumble, I will not die, I’ve got sanitizer to keep me alive. I will survive! As long as I have you I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my brain to give, I will surive! I will not cry. I have a calender, a to do list, and most of all, a stress ball that can fly! I will survive!”

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/09/11

College – Week One Timeline

Leap Class Luncheon (not all shown here)

September 1 – 12:30 I met my Life Calling and Purpose class in The Center for Leadership, Calling, and Service Building. We left and went to lunch at this totally hip and fabu place in the gulch. The food was amazing! Getting to know the other ladies was great – our class consist of all the Non-Traditional Undergrads – aka: More Seasoned in life group, more mature group… okay, okay, the old group! Ha! Dr. Carpenter was so kind; she treated us to lunch and dessert. YUM! She also doesn’t want us calling her Dr. Carpenter, as she prefers Peggy. (Love her!) After lunch, we returned to campus where I was able to hang for a little bit and discuss a job possibility working in the Counseling department as well as assisting in the OASIS. (Would love to tell you what OASIS stands for but it’s slipping from my memory at present – OASIS, ah… I get to work in the wonderful, dreamy, paradise known as OASIS, can you picture it? Ha-ha!)

At the Painted Cupcake

September 2 – First class is Life Purpose and Calling at 10am where we are introduced to all the cool things that we have access to on the computers… calendars, email, printing capability, programs that we are able to log in to at home, and so much more. Class ended at 10:55 and my next class wasn’t until 1pm so my beloved friends arrived to take me to the Painted Cupcake http://www.thepaintedcupcake.com/ for a “first day of school celebration” where I had a Turtle Cupcake. YUM!!! I also ordered 6 miniture cupcakes to go. Hey, I was going to math class, I needed the sugar. They dropped me off and I headed to my one o’clock class… (Jaws theme music inserted here)… Math class. Ugh! Poor Mr. Swink, he gets a bad rap because of Math but he is the most patient and sweetest man, ever! Class ended at 1:50 and what do you know, I survived… minus a few limbs. (insert math humor)

First Chapel of '09-'10 School Year

September 3 – 9:30am Chapel Service and Dr. Boone, school President, was the speaker. He was absolutely amazing. I said if I were given the opportunity to tell him so, I would, though no opportunity has presented itself as of yet… perhaps a visit to his office? Nah, would bring back too many middle school memories of sitting in the principles office. Chapel ended at 10:30 and I was off to The Center for Leadership, Calling, and Service (FYI – at school this is pretty much always abbreviated when not being used formally however I LOVE the name of this building and can assure you I will most likely never abbreviate it’s name… even though it did take me nearly a month to get it right.) At 11:30, I ventured off to my 12:10pm, Principles to Biblical Faith class. Along the way I run into Dr. Randy Carden, my academic advisor, whom I had met only briefly on the day orientation. We exchanged our hellos and I introduced myself again. Dr. Carden said, “I know who you are, Penny Shire from Franklin, TN….” and then rambled off much more information about me. I was amazed that he remembered so much, let alone, even knew who I was. I walk into my Bib Faith class to find that this is the largest class ever. There are approximately 70 students and there were no seats left outside of a seat placed in the middle of all these freshmen boys. Oh lucky me… I’m the old women sitting amongst the young princes’ of the college. In walks Professor Sparrow who happens to be my only professor that is younger than I… which I found to be rather intimidating. We were given a syllabus and upon scanning it my stomach did multiple flips. He reviewed the syllabus with us and then stated an opportunity for extra credit… I’m pretty sure I was the first, or one of the first, to have raised my hand requesting the extra credit. I enjoy this class, though challenging when trying to commit to memory information regarding the Babylonians, the Persians, the Assyrians, the Canaanites, and the ‘mosquito-bites’ (ha!)… let’s talk theology and not geography and I’m good (just not so good with what year in BC did they rule and at which location in the Fertile Crescent did they reside). Though when discussing theology I’m pretty much a go by the scripture type of gal so when having other thought processes tossed my way, well, let’s just say I take on the debate persona… which I’m not sure my professor appreciates. I’m convinced that he doesn’t like me very much, if at all. That’s okay, I think he over uses the word seriously as well as the phrase I’m not trying to trick you, so I guess we can call it even.

September – 4 – Math class again and again, I survived.

Center for Leadership, Calling, and Service

September 7 – I begin working my job on campus in the OASIS, which is the top level of The Center for Leadership, Calling, and Service. YAY!!! I met with my financial advisor, as I heard nothing from her pertaining to the scholarship received. She informed me that she wasn’t aware and took a moment to check things out. I was able to change my status from ¾-time student back to full-time student, still allowing tuition to be fully paid for. This also meant I needed to add another class to my schedule. Met with Dr. Carpenter where we added on Speech Communication.

At this point, I have officially survived one full week of college. Where I’m loving it yet overwhelmed by it; loving it yet still trying to get acclimated to all the schedules of home, kids’ school, my school, church, and so forth. Yes, loving it and knowing that this is where I am supposed to be. 

Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2009/10/04

Orientation

TNU Entryway

August 29, 2009, Orientation was to begin at 7:30. Not knowing how long it was going to take me to drive, with great excitement, I was out the door at 6:30am. I arrived to TNU at 7:10 and found the parking lot empty. I was a little concerned as I thought the place would be buzzing with college students. (I didn’t realize that there had been a previous orientation in June.) I sat in my car, completed some last minute paperwork that I had to sign, and then reviewed the schedule for the day. I was not overly nervous but still slightly, was more excited than anything.

At 7:30am, I walked through the doors of the Boone Building (one of the many buildings on campus). There was a young lady still setting up the table. She jokingly said to me, “You must be excited to be here this early”, and I responded, knowing that I was there with 18 to 20 year olds, “Nah, just responsible.” She laughed and then informed me that it would still be a few minutes before she was ready to ‘check me in’. As I turned around to pace the entryway, I noticed my long time friend, Becky, also employee of TNU, walking outside. I ran out to her and exclaimed, “They’re making fun of me for being here so early.” We giggled, as they really were not.

I walked back inside and paced the entryway, checking things out, looking around, continuously glancing at the papers in my hand, as I found myself singing these words, aloud yet softly: “I have been waiting for you. Walk on in. Come as you are, won’t you. Walk on in. Behold the door is open. Walk on in. Welcome to your promise land. Walk on it. I’ve been waiting for you. Walk on in.” Those words continuously poured through my head and out my mouth. At the moment, the words weren’t registering with me; I was just walking around singing this little tune.

Finally, it was time for us to enter the conference room area, more like a smaller version of a concert hall. There were round tables everywhere with card on them for every degree imaginable. There were tables with bagels and fruit, coffee and juice, it was wonderful.

My friend, Becky

My friend, Becky, came up to me and greeted me with, “Hello Ms. Shire. Allow me to take you to your seat.” And we giggled. See, Becky was just as excited that I was there, if not more so. Becky and I had attended church together for nearly 5 years, going on 10 years of friendship at this point, and she was there at the hospital with me when my son was born. I was adorned in hugs and love which melted all nervousness away. She disappeared to do her job and I ventured off to the coffee table, of course.

Upon returning to my seat, Becky introduced me to Dr. Carpenter who would be my Life Calling and Purpose professor. Dr. Carpenter had a sweet spirit about her and was joyous while bouncing around to tend to her duties. What I didn’t realize is that Becky, my friend, was telling everyone about me, my story, how I was here… she was bragging on me with joy and if honest, I loved it. A few moments passed before this well dressed, more seasoned in life, lady walked up to me. She reached out her hand and introduced herself as Carol Maxson. She began sharing with me how Becky had shared with her my story and that she was so thrilled that I was there. She then shared that we had similar stories and told me how she was a single mom of four boys when she decided to go back to school. She then told me that her door was open to me at any time and she would enjoy visiting with me. Becky walked up and rubbed my back at some point while Carol was speaking and in the midst of conversation, not sure who said it as I found myself speechless, I was informed that Carol was Dr. Maxson, Assistant Provost and Dean of Academic Affairs. The Assistant Provost knew who I was and was talking to me; I was overwhelmed with joy and very humbled.

Orientation begun and I was sitting at a table with two transfer students and another first time freshman, all of course 22 and younger. I pulled out my packet, a pen, and began making notes. First note was to write down “Dr. Carol Maxson, Assistant Provost – make point to meet with her”. About 20 minutes into the orientation, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and found a lady slouched down next to me. She reached out her hand and whispered, “I’m Tammy Bennett and Becky was just telling me your story. I wanted to introduce myself to you and let you know that I too am a single mom working toward my Bachelors and I work in the Admissions Building. I just want to encourage you, welcome you, and let you know that my door is open anytime. I would love to have you come visit me.” Wow! Tammy is the Admissions Event Coordinator at TNU, I discovered later. At this point, I am so overwhelmed and feel truly blessed. This is where I’m supposed to be.

It was as if an alarm was going off in my head at that very moment, “ding, ding, ding – you got it right Penny!” I lost track at that moment of who was speaking and what they were saying as my mind wandered to the words I was singing in the entryway just an hour previously. “I have been waiting for you. Walk on in. Come as you are, won’t you. Walk on in. Behold the door is open. Walk on in. Welcome to your promise land. Walk on it. I’ve been waiting for you. Walk on in.” If you remember in my blog titled Update on My Life http://pennyshire.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/update-on-my-life/ I shared with you how I was sitting on the plane and felt I heard God say to me that this is what I was to do. I had never given college a thought at this stage in my life. If you’ll also remember in my blog titled College Acceptance Timeline, http://pennyshire.wordpress.com/2009/10/03/college-acceptance-timeline/ I shared that I was questioning if I truly heard the voice of God speaking to me. At this moment, without a shadow of doubt, I knew that I knew that this is where I was supposed to be.

I continued through the rest of the day meeting and greeting, obtaining my course schedule, having a picture taken for Student ID, and went from here and there and everywhere around the campus with a smile on my face and no trace of fear. To this day, I don’t know who sings that song I was singing. I’ve tried googling it and come up with songs by Janice Joplin and others but they are not the lyrics to what I was singing. It was indeed a word from the Lord for me on that morning. I left that campus filled with joy, excitement, and much anticipation as well as believing that everyone needs a Becky in their life!

Copyrighted 2009/10/04