Slaughtering the Defenseless

When I was twenty-one, I attended a party at a relatives house along with several mutual friends. It was a safe environment – we were young and looking for a good time. While most of us were raised in church with a strict list of what will send you to hell, we thought we’d explore for ourselves. And people think it’s just the preacher’s kids that rebel.

We’d been playing cards, like many of us had grown up watching our parents play, all while sipping on wine coolers, wild turkey, royal crown, and whatever other liquor was popular at the time. Our card game soon turned into a game of quarters – something I had never played before and never played again.

I remember making my way to the living room and passing out on the couch. I faintly remember a relative changing my shirt, as I had vomited all over myself, and putting me back to rest on the couch.

When I woke, I wasn’t bright eyed and bushy tailed, I wasn’t even groggy – I was in an in-and-out type of wake. All was black and quite… except for the faint breathing I could hear as I bobbed up and down with my back flat to the floor. I remember trying to figure out why I was on the floor as I remembered being on the couch, all the while feeling this touch between my legs that felt good – odd, but good. I lay there… bobbing – hearing myself moan.

Slowly, I became increasingly more awake and it hit me… I felt my pants at my ankles and heard the sound of steady heavy breathing. I tried to rise only for a hand to push me back to the floor… and I screamed.

Later that day, nearly night again, I was whisked away by mother to the hospital where they ran special test, gave me a pill to swallow, and brought in the police. I was naked and ashamed, with complete strangers wanting to know about every detail… and all I could think about was that my father was mortified and couldn’t speak to me. A daddy’s girl I had always been… now everything was lost, stolen, in a moment.

A few days later I had a detective show up at my work, where he proceeded to take me to his car in the parking lot and drill me about the incident of that dreaded night. I sat in his car, embarrassed as all of work could see – visitors coming and going could see – it was if the whole world could see and hear every horrifying detail of what had just happened. I listened to this detective no longer drill me but accuse me of “asking for it”… word had gotten around in the town I liked to drink, and since my engagement had been called off, I also liked to sleep around. My bad choices in a two year span had left a detective feeling entitled to belittle me – the victim, whose name had already been listed in the small town newspaper with all the horrific details of my reported attack. I was made to be the bad person.

For reasons I won’t disclose, I was the girl that had no self-esteem. And in that moment, this detective convinced me that I was the one at fault and this would be best left alone… and I believed him. Without a trial – justice is served.

Only a handful of people know this about me – it’s not something you share publicly. Of course, there was a time when I shared with another that was too a victim of rape – healing is found in testimony. But it’s not something you broadcast to the world.

So why do I share now?

I read an article today that stirred anger within me – honestly, it’s been stirring since all the Bill Cosby garbage has been taking place, but today I go a different direction with it. The direction…

Abortion.

“New York Assembly Passes Bill Allowing Shooting Babies Through the Heart With Poison to Kill Them”

They have now stated that you may kill a child in a mother’s womb in the third trimester, no more for simply the mother’s life being at risk, but for whatever reason deemed fit… including but not limited to, physical well-being, emotional well-being, family issues, and the mother’s age. Weeks, days, and even minutes before birth, you may now kill your baby.

What kind of society do we live in when it is acceptable to murder an infant? I am literally sick to my stomach thinking of such perverseness.

I didn’t realize until some years later the pill given me in the hospital that night was something to prevent pregnancy. I remember months passing and me sweating at nights thinking I could be a mother at twenty-one to a kid I didn’t want… I didn’t want the reminder in my face day in and day out of what had occurred that night. I didn’t want to look in the face of that child and see the face of that guy. But I knew, even at twenty-one, if there were a kid, it was innocent. Someone would love that child, want that child, not ever knowing how he/she had come into this world and would fully embrace all that child had to offer.

My “story” had already been published. People already knew. I rarely showed my face to people out of shame and embarrassment. What would nine more months be to me in something I already knew, something I was already living? The shame of a bad choice which landed me publicly humiliated and my life altered, forever – hell on earth.

Yes, I would have carried a child I didn’t want because it was innocent.

I understand the morning after pill. After time it became obvious I took it, and I now carry mixed emotion, which tends to lean more for it than against it. Perhaps that sounds hypocritical while I rant on about the killing of a third trimester baby. I’m all for woman’s rights, yet I cannot stand with them on this matter. Women’s Rights came about in order that women may have equal rights as men. I’ve never know a man to be pregnant and therefore cannot call this equality in any shape or fashion. It is murder. Nothing more, nothing less – the slaughter of the defenseless. I pray God have mercy on our souls.

To those whom have had abortions, I say this – I know you carry a burden of shame and unforgiveness toward yourselves but I believe God’s mercy offers us a new beginning while His grace provides us an opportunity to heal others. We overcome our own burdens, our shame, and our fears by sharing our story with others – redemption given to you exuding to others.

To those who were victims of rape, I say this – it is never your fault. Whatever mistakes you’ve made in your life never warrant you becoming the accused. Do not be intimidated by people’s words or fearful of judgment by bullies who have their own secrets to keep. Demand justice and make your voice heard. You are not defenseless.

We all have things we keep secret – wrongs we struggle with, shameful choices taunting us, wounds too fragile to ever expose. These things keep us from being loved wholly and from loving wholly. But to all that pain, that guilt, that shame, I say this… there is mercy, there is grace, there is redemption.

“Every choice you’ve made… Every good thing… Every bad thing… Every regret… Every risk… Every gain and every loss… Every moment in your life has led you to this moment of your life. Lessons learned, celebrations earned. Your past has made your present and your present will give way to your future – never does it define you but always is refining you. Embrace you – the good, the bad, the past, the present – love and be loved. Life is too short to hide behind walls. You – you are beautiful in every way… a work of art, a treasure – you are valuable… because of your past, your present, and your future. You’re a story worth telling yet still unwritten.” ~ Pj 02/2014

Purple Penguins — Politically Correct BS

It’s the middle of the day during a long drive. He’s sitting at the wheel, cruising along. She’s sitting in the passenger seat, reading, glancing up now and then at the passing scenery. Suddenly, he brakes moving his arm to her chest so as to stop her – she gasps. And there it is… security and emotion collide.

“Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.” says the kid in the movie Kindergarten Cop.

Let’s face it, men and women are different and I’m not just talking anatomically– each consider and process information differently.

Men are risk takers – not reckless, just go for it. Women are analyzers – proceed with caution.

Men are providers. Women are nurturers’.

Women rely on men to be their security just as men rely on women to be their soft place to land.

Often I remind myself that these differences are not only good but needed. I tend to be adventurous but that is far from being risky. I went on a motorcycle trip this past weekend with my man – off to conquer The Tail of the Dragon – it rained all weekend… and we had a blast! Nervously clinching my nails into my palms at times yet deeply trusting the man who would never allow harm to come to me, intentionally… yes, adventurous I am – risky he is – reckless we are not.

Our differences is what makes us work. Don’t get me wrong, we are similar in a lot of things but… could you imagine if we were the same in all things – how mundane and boring.

As I watch the news, I’m saddened at the turn our country has taken. It seems the inmates are running the asylum. There is a movement to stop hospitals from pronouncing gender at the time of birth. There are schools stopping gender terminology from being used in the classroom. No longer can you announce if it’s a boy or a girl. No longer can you refer to children as boys or girls. Children now choose what gender they wish to be, as if they were selecting a pair of shoes to wear. If my son had to base gender choice on shoes, he’d never know what he was – his collection is greater than mine.

I find it appalling that in the process of attempting to make our children free thinkers, that we are removing boundaries, differences, challenges, opportunities – the list is endless. I’m sure this social class of movers are the same progressive thinkers that removed competition from sports – everyone is a winner. Really?

In order to not separate, not distinguish between gender – equally fair to all while not confusing the children, our children are now referred to as Purple Penguins. Again I say, really? Because what is not confusing about a bird that cannot fly.

While I support our children being free thinkers – I want my daughter to make up her mind as to why she believes what she does not simply because it was imposed upon her by her mother – I believe the political correctness in this country is deceitful, pretentious, and foolish nonsense. In other words, BS!

How will the next generation know anything about diversity? Differences? Challenges? The ole’ adage about the rich children being handed everything on a silver platter comes to mind. They will not know what it is to work for something and fail, fail again, and then succeed. They will not know how to process anything outside of the box – cookie cutters… mundane and boring… unchallenged to be better… unsuccessful achievers at nothing.

Welcome to future America – the land of the lazy and wimpy, and where everyone is a Stepford being.

“Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” – yep, I like it that way… how else are Dragon Tails conquered.

We survived The Tail of the Dragon!

We survived The Tail of the Dragon!

Calling on Chuck Norris

Dear Insomnia,

This is the 3rd (4th?) night in a row we’ve hung out.

You dropped by completely unannounced expecting me to party these nights away with you…

Maybe you were really looking for Snooki and got lost on a detour that ended at my crib, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I like to swathe myself in my cozy comforter, a cumulus nimbus cloud of pillows and snore my way through dreams that star bad boys on Harley’s and in work boots.

And be jarred awake as my cheek starts to swim in the cold drool that’s formed the Great Lakes on my pillow.

I like to sleep. Soundly. Undisturbed.

In fact the only people allowed to disturb my slumber are my children…and that’s only because well…they’re my children.

And while I love Jesus, I gotta be honest and say I’m not ready to meet Him yet due to a sleep deprived heart attack.

But I digress….

Sleep. I need it because without it, I go skyrocketing off to another galaxy…one full of euphoric gas, rainbows, talking unicorns, million dollar gift cards to Target, and other glorious things one feels as they begin to tango with hypomania.

As fun as the initial moments of hypomania are, I really prefer to be on the level side of things, so I’d really like you to leave. You’re dangerous… like playing with firecrackers dangerous, and I’d like to keep my body parts intact and spare my family and friends a spin on the bipolar merry-go-round.

I’m sorry but staring off into the darkness while everyone else is knee deep in REM cycles isn’t my idea of fun – nor is the crash that comes after the high.

You’re just too much of a trigger. I can’t have you around. You’ve got to go.

So please free the Sandman from wherever you’re holding him hostage and hit the road. Bother someone who can actually make you work for them and not against ‘em.

Consider this a warning. If you fail to heed this warning, expect Ambien & Trazadone to pay you a visit. They’re like the Chuck Norris’ of sleep meds.

I’m not afraid to use them.

Signed,

Me

Hollywood – It’s A Trap!

What if life was full of surprises? Oh wait – it is.

What if things were always changing? Oh wait – they are.

Why is it then we get our panties in a wad over the silliest of things? How miserable – not to mention uncomfortably awkward.

I listened to a young lady tell me about how she’s looking for love, expecting more out of love – the “Sweet Home Alabama” type of love. If I gave her any advice worth anything at all, and if she was in the least bit interested in that advice, I hope she heard me when I said to her, “love is not Hollywood.” I’m pretty sure most guys don’t like chic flicks because of the countless innuendos Hollywood suggest a relationship should be while girls on the other hand get entangled in a web of fairy tale happily ever after freshly spun as a trap. Life is not a Hollywood movie (unless based on a true story and even then…). Trust me, I know – it’s a daily, weekly, even monthly reminder I tell myself. I wish I could just say it’s the girls that have never known “love”, yet sadly, women in general have a twisted sort of view of love – thank you Hollywood media. However, the guys don’t get off so easy either… their expectations of what they think love is can be just as twisted.

There was a book that came out some time ago, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” to which I think I might have read a fraction of at one time, sadly I could not tell you the first thing about it other than it implies that men and women are different. Thank God they cleared that up – I was becoming suspicious. Sarcasm aside – we are different outside of the physical, we process things differently… that whole nature versus nurture theory – men are providers while women are nurturers.

I read an article today on facebook about the importance of the man kneeling when he proposes to the woman he’s chosen – significance of such symbolizes surrender, or so says the author. My question is this, when did it become just the man’s job to surrender? Don’t get me wrong, I believe the symbolism is a nice gesture, I don’t believe it to be as relevant as the daily actions throughout the relationship. In other words, while it’s nice you’re showing me you’ll surrender today, in this moment, what happens when the going gets tough? Does the tough get going? Surrender, at the very least, is an action… the act of surrender is a giving of oneself to another even when you don’t feel like it – often daily.

My plans for the holiday did not occur as I had imagined – it was far better. I enjoyed time with a man that loves me – who would do just about anything for me, of this I’m sure. It’s not a Hollywood kind of love. It’s simply love – our love. He’s wise in things where I’m naïve. He’s funny and witty when I am not. We work hard at the same types of things, yet at very different things. He’s discreetly private 99% of the time while I’m reflective and introverted yet very loud, 99% of the time. And, when he’s had a long, hard, tiresome day, and wants to be left alone he will still humor me if I’m in need with some silly request which is usually some insecurity crap that has found it’s way to the surface from the bottom of my abyss.

My weekend was full of surprises.

My life is changing.

In addition, I’ve traded my wadded panties and gone commando. Hollywood has nothing on me!

Learn to understand the one you’re with while applying some sweet surrender wherever needed – I promise you that you’ll discover that Hollywood has nothing on you either.

 

Pink and Quirky

My personality is pink… or so says this fun little color personality test. If you know me at all, you will know that I am not the biggest fan of pink – or at least not the “baby pink”. But I love taking these quirky test that tell me about myself – in so many words they each basically read the same. I got hooked at the age of thirty-six while a freshman in college. I don’t believe in horoscopes – I walk out my journey through life with the belief that God orders my footsteps… in the rain, in the sun, and even in the puddles left in the rains wake with the suns reflective light.
 
Being raised charismatically religious, one might say I’ve crossed over into the dark side – I’m okay with that. I know myself well enough now to know that I do not allow such “results” to dictate the person I am, rather they give enlightenment to things I already knew about myself. Before becoming a freshman in college I cannot say that I knew who I was – truly. I allowed people to tell me who I was, what I like, or what I should become biasly on there own opinion… and I went along for the ride. I know myself now well enough to know that while I care about people’s opinions, I don’t care about people’s judgement – I answer to One… all on my own.
 
So, here’s to my quirky little test – because I’m quirky like that.
 
Pink is one of the most interesting auras. A pink is a mixture of several auras put together. Pink has the bubbly personality of yellow, the passionate attitude of red, orange’s weirdness, and purples gracefulness. Pink people are by nature loving and giving. they love to be loved too. Because of this they gather around them close friends and family at every opportunity. They like to host family events and are very generous of their time. They have a high regard for their health and will look after their bodies with good diet, nutrition and exercise. (This is debatable – basically, there is only a level of exercise I’ll attempt… ha!) The pink individual is a natural healer, highly sensitive to the needs of others and has strong psychic abilities. They also have very creative ideas and a strong imagination. Because of these personality traits the pink person makes great writers of novels, poetry, or song lyrics. The pink individual hates injustice, poverty and conflicts. They strive always to make the world a better place and will make personal sacrifices in the pursuit of this ideal. Pink people are strong willed and highly disciplined and will expect high standards from others. They have strong values and morals and seldom deviate from them. Because of their honesty and likable nature they are valued as employees but also make excellent employers because of their sense of fairness. Pink is one of the coolest auras out there!
 
As far as their love life, pink people are very romantic and once they have found their soul mate will stay faithful, loving, and loyal for life.
 
Pinks color opposite is white – white people are too dull and serious to take on Pinks personality.
 
Words that best describe Pink People: Blissful, Content, Romantic, Idealistic, Expressive, Artistic, Funny, Quirky, and Individualistic
 
The purpose of life for a Pink: To spread joy to people’s heart.
 
The above test was taken a few weeks ago. The test below was taken earlier this week. And if you go back through my previous blogs you’re likely to find the results of others I have taken – because I could. (insert smile here)
 
You are a generous and moral person. You are smart and thoughtful. You always work on self-improvement.You are very ambitious and have very high standards. You are a great thinker. You are an introvert. People love being around you as you have a way of making them feel good however some people might think that communicating with you is difficult, but for you, it isn’t easy being who you are. You are a great listener who knows how to be nonjudgmental. You believe that everyone has their own journey in life. You are intuitive and a bit quirky. You work very hard but you are not in the least selfish. You work because you want to improve the world. You have a great capacity to love people… until they hurt you, and then after they hurt you, you keep on loving – you are even ready to love those that don’t love you back. You need your personal space and are emotional. You are a person that clearly sees the light side and dark side of life and your attitude toward life is the glass is at the very least half-full. You use every opportunity to forgive, learn, and grow because you believe life is too short to do otherwise. Very few people can appreciate everything you do as well as you deserve.
 
So here’s to being pink and quirky! (and all the colors of the rainbow)
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!” ~ Psalm 139:14 (NLT)