Several years ago I got out of the shower and looked around for my wedding rings, but could find them nowhere. Panicked and sobbing, I tore the house apart for an hour with no success. Eventually I found them in my bathrobe pocket, which I had been wearing the entire time.
The rings, at the time, were a symbol of something I was desperately trying to hold together yet today are the symbol of the 12 years I spent in an abusive and controlling relationship. As anyone in that kind of relationship can attest, I found myself lying often, always on the defense from a perceived attack. While I’m very open now about my own faults and the lies I told and lived, during that time it was a life of secrecy. I mean really, when a friend asked, “So what did you do today?” was I supposed to answer with, “I got thrown against a fish tank, then knocked to the concrete floor where my head was slammed into, and then after, I got locked out of my house. I had a real party here today. So what did you do today?”
Obviously I couldn’t talk about those days if I were still married to the man. Now divorced, the rings have been tucked away. While going through the divorce, my former spouse told others that our marriage fell apart because I was a liar, an alcoholic, and was abusive to him. He even told the cops that I tried to stab him with keys (now there’s a serious weapon). The lies he told were endless. While I found his accusations ironic at the time, they’re even more amazing now.
Not that long ago my pastor talked about clearing out the clutter in our lives. I realized that I was still holding on to some major clutter. While some of it was burned, there were other things of more value and hey, we all need an extra dollar when we can get one. Thus, I decided to take my wedding band to one of those Cash for Gold stores. The jeweler weighed it, examined it, and then asked me if he could make a nick in the ring. I asked him why. He said that the ring stated 14 carat, however it had an f listed on it as well. I asked what a nick was going to do to the value of the ring and he informed me nothing, so I gave permission to proceed. Imagine my surprise when he returned and said, “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but your ring is not real. It is a metal band with gold foil over it and the foil is not 14 carat; it’s not even 10 carat. I’m sorry; I cannot buy anything that is less that 10 carat.”
Stunned and shocked for all of 10 seconds, I then burst into laughter. I thought back to all those moments in my marriage, all the lying, and realized that it was built on a lie from the beginning. The wedding band I had clung to for so long was the biggest lie of them all. What was I to do but laugh?
I could really go into a great devotional at this point but I will save that for another day. Instead, today I’m issuing a warning to anyone who buys me jewelry in the future: if any jewelry does one day come my way, I will immediately take it to the jeweler and have it tested for authenticity. Not that I think I’ll ever be involved with another man like my former spouse, but just to confirm that the amazing man giving me the jewelry adores me as much as I think he does.
Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 2010/01/08