Why do people assume everything is about them? Is it narcissism? Insecurity? You know what I mean, the people that assume that everything in life is about them, the good, the bad, and the ugly – the positive as well as the negative – everything in life is about their happiness or lack of.
This is not a blog about making those feel bad, searching for sympathy, asking for help… I will not be made to feel guilty if I’m a walking contradiction in this moment for what I believe I am to be and what I’m currently not being… I will not be told that I need to keep quite… I will not be controlled or manipulated to do what someone else is wanting me to do… and while I’m sure at some point in my life previously I would have caved to your every whim, jumping at your beckon call to feed you grapes and fan you with palm branches, my life is not wrapped up in your narcissistic need to make yourself feel better… I have boundaries and will not be lied to, manipulated, and/or controlled, whether for the greater good as a whole or for the greater good of one’s own selfishness.
People are walking through this life hurting, being held prisoner by addiction, depression, abuse and you’re consumed with the fact that you’re not spoken to or that you feel forgotten… I don’t call, I don’t write, I don’t meet with you, feel for you, take time for you. There is a person that sits next to you in service every Sunday that has acquired more medical debt in a few months than what they make in a year. There is another person that you talk with that lost their job several months ago and is unsure whether they’ll make it through the month without ending up on the street. There is that other acquaintance that just buried a parent and another that buried a child. There is another person that sits behind you that struggles with a secret habit that they wish to be freed from but cannot seem to give it up and are too scared of judgment to ask for help. Then there is me…
My children have missed so much school from sickness that I now have social services doing an investigation. My son comes home everyday telling me how he hates his school and his teacher and he has no friends and that he should just grab a gun – you do remember that he’s eight. My daughter is cutting herself for her father’s attention and struggles everyday like an addict, fighting the urge to do it again and failing, while her father makes promises to her that he never upholds, and now she believes that God doesn’t care about her because if He did, things would change and the urges to cut would go away, that her father would love her, and that he would decide once and for all if he is gay or not gay. In addition, because of the crisis of my children, the doctors, therapist, and emergency visits, I have fallen so far behind in my own schoolwork that it will take a miracle for me to be caught up in the next 8 days and pass.
However, this isn’t about me, or the person beside you, in front of you, behind you – it is about you. My friend, if you’re that narcissistic then its a little one-on-one Jesus meeting that is required. And if you’re that insecure in your friendships or the lack of concern toward them, then again, that same meeting is required. I am not angry or bitter, I just don’t have time for hypocrites – just as Jesus didn’t have time for the Pharisees and Sadducees, matter-of-fact, He referred to them as a brood-of-vipers. This life is not about what you can get from others, but rather what it is you can give them. While we are each walking our own trials in this life, we still give of ourselves, where and when we are able, not as dictated by others. I will do all that I can, when I can, as I am able, and that is all I have to offer.
Copyrighted by reflectionsbypj 20100420