I look around and see my wonderful life, almost perfect from the outside. In picture frames I see my beautiful wife always smiling but on the inside, I can hear her saying…
Lead me with strong hands, stand up when I can’t. Don’t leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams, what about us? Show me you’re willing to fight, that I’m still the love of your life. I know we call this our home but I still feel alone.
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes they’re just children from the outside. I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine; they’re independent but on the inside, I can hear them saying…
Lead me with strong hands, stand up when I can’t. Don’t leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams, but what about us? Show me you’re willing to fight, that I’m still the love of your life. I know we call this our home but I still feel alone.
So Father, give me the strength to be everything I’m called to be. Oh, Father, show me the way to lead them, won’t you lead me? To lead them with strong hands. To stand up when they can’t. Don’t want to leave them hungry for love, chasing things that I could give up. I’ll show them I’m willing to fight and give them the best of my life so we can call this our home. Lead me, ‘cause I can’t do this alone. Father, lead me, ‘cause I can’t do this alone.
I first heard this song a few weeks ago and it grabbed me. Not just my attention, my heart strings, my soul.
There is a joy inside that I cannot contain, in spite of the rain. He is making something beautiful out of my life. When you get to the place where you discover that He is all that you need, you find joy that is unspeakable and full of glory.
I found myself singing this song, Lead Me, and another song, Our God, by Chris Tomlin, for the past several weeks. At first, I did not understand why I would be singing Lead Me, considering the verses, let alone the fact that I’m not a man, which disqualifies me as a husband or a father. Then I had my “ta-da” moment.
It grabbed my soul because I was the wife, the child, hungry for love and always alone.
I’ve been told that when I was an infant my parents fought over me. It was said that my father thought he had to choose between my mother or myself, and in this thought process, one day, I was found being pulled by my feet by one parent and by my arms by the other parent. You have to understand that my parents didn’t know the love of Christ at this time in their life, which makes all the difference. However, this began a cycle of behaviors that would last me into my adulthood.
As a former wife, I can understand the feelings of pain and rejection my mother must have felt as her husband chose another. If you’re a wife, imagine how you would feel, think, and react… and be honest in your imagination. I will not go into specific detail, except however to say that, I know not what it is to have someone fighting for me and standing for me. Sadly, I never knew those things in my marriage either.
How many know that there are times in our lives where we will need to unlearn a learned behavior?
As I look back over the years of my life, I can see how His love has guided me. There is not a day, a month, a year, nor a season that I am not thankful to my great God. There is no one like Him! He is my strength, my strong tower, my protector, my provider, my shelter, my all in all! He knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. He had a plan for me, a destiny, a calling for me. It is because of His mercies that I am here today. He has walked with me, talked with me, carried me, comforted me, scolded me, and loved me. He has never left me nor forsaken me, though I have turned my back on Him repeatedly.
I am not here to give you some sob story about my life, to throw people under the bus, to be a victim of defeat. I am a victorious conqueror, a princess to the King of Kings! I am here to tell you how God will make a way when there seems to be no way. How He makes ashes into something beautiful. I am here to tell you that with Him ALL things are possible! He has made me the head and not the tail! And as long as I’m living, with every breathe I take; all will know that all the glory, honor, and praise are His and His alone.
If you want to change and be transformed… If you want to unlearn some learned behaviors… If you want to see Him and know Him like nothing you’ve ever seen or known before, then you have to allow Him to lead you. When you allow Him to lead you, you will go places you didn’t know existed.
I’ve been walking with Him in a season of obedience and trust for several months now. In allowing Him to lead me thru this season, I’m finding that He takes my breath away in amazement, often. While it is an emotional season, it is a cleansing, a flushing, and a purifying… a beautiful birthing. (Notice I did not say ‘rebirthing’, there is a difference.) It may appear, even sound, crazy, the things that I’m doing in obedience, but I’m okay with that. It is an exciting and terrifying journey but one of which I’m willing to make.
If I don’t learn to trust, learn to walk in obedience, then how can I stand for my children, fight for my children, love my children… how can I lead them if I’m not willing to be led myself? I cannot. My children must see me walk this season, live it with me, in order to not only see God through me but to know Him because of me.
What are you saying to those that you love through your actions? Are you leaving them hungry, thirsty, and defenseless? Will you allow yourself to be led so that you in turn can lead? As a single mother, I am responsible for my household; I am the spiritual leader. What are you?
Copyright by ReflectionsByPj 20100816
Photo by Sue Hoppe