Stepping outside your box is never an easy step. However, when taken, is often life altering. If anything, memorable.
That’s what life should be, memorable… filled with stories worth telling.
On June 4, 2011, I decided to step out of my box just for the sake of accumulating an experience. I auditioned for the TV show, The Bachelor. [Don’t judge… !] I tried talking myself out of it. I stood staring into my closet as if it was a rabbit hole, deep and dark, sucking me into the abyss of extremely outdated. After hours of trying things on, I found something – that fit [thank you elastic!].
I made my way to the bathroom, where after a longer shaving experience than normal, I stood starring at the image in the mirror. I plucked, pulled, and attempted smoothing every area. Being part Indian and part Italian makes for hair everywhere… ever plucked a mustache. I would wax however last experience of doing it myself left me no eyelashes and other painful injuries I’d rather not re-live.
As I apply make-up, I notice every freckle, worry line, laugh line, and the birds’ infamous markings outside my eyes. My hair looks like someone sewed threads of white into my scalp while I slept – darn Delilah, still putting a curse on the wise. [Oh wait, Samson was strong, not wise. Solomon was wise. Mixing bible stories – go with it!]
Every doubt, insecurity, and negative word ever spoken to me came flooding out in that moment.
Feet cemented to the floor.
You can do this. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I didn’t care if they called me, asking me to be on the show or told me I was too old with too much baggage. I had no intentions of agreeing to be on the show. It was just something to do, different and unforgettable.
However, it was more than the experience. It was a lesson in believing in me. I am valuable. Beautiful. Loved. In that moment, Psalm 139 became my season’s motto – believing it, so much so, that I walked it with confidence… as a princess, the daughter of the King.
I arrived, shoulders back and head held high, making eye contact with each person that crossed my path. I completed paper work, signing my life away – literally. Spot light on me, crime board in hand, I found a pose, spun, smiled, and laughed. I answered questions on camera, with a confident frowning smile. Seriously. When I’m nervous or uncomfortable, my smile is a frown. I was never aware I did this however, until a fellow student wrote about it in a poem she wrote me. Flawed? Weird? Unique – that’s me!
When it was all said and done with, I celebrated as only I would… Starbucks.
I am so thankful that every lie I tell myself can be contradicted by God’s truth about myself. ~ Pj
References: Psalm 139, Psalm 29:11, Proverbs 16:31, Judges 16
PS: Because I know you’re wondering, sitting on the edge of your seat with baited breath… NO – I never got a call-back. [and cue the collective “awwww”]